There was this great article in the Wall St Journal about conquering fear.
There is evidence that when feeling any sort of upset or fear about your body or sexuality that taking a mindfulness based strategy is effective.
“It holds that simply observing your critical thoughts without judging them is a more effective way to tame them than pressuring yourself to change or denying their validity…Mindfulness also involves paying attention to your breathing and other physical sensations while observing your thoughts.”
So basically the strategy is when you feel insecure, upset or concerned, just notice those feelings and do not try to change them or ignore them but just bring your attention back into your body, breathe, acknowledge your feelings and then continue with life.
“These feelings are going to come. What are you going to do about them?…You don’t have to react to them at all. Just allowing them to exist takes away their power.”
This is what we have been suggesting to people over at the Pleasure Mechanics for years, but it is always so lovely to get “research based evidence” to support what we know and have seen work.
This approach is incredibly simple, powerful and and effective.
It just involves remembering and implementing next time you are in an emotional pickle.
Nothing to do, just notice and let the thoughts and fears move on by.
Try it next time you feel any sort of fear or upset about your body, within a sexual encounter or otherwise.
Let me know if it helps!
All quotes from the article Conquering Fear by Melinda Beck in the online Wall St Journal on Jan 2, 2011
I have been working with this a lot recently and wanted to share a helpful thing for me. When I feel discomfort, pain, fear, etc. I recognize it and invite it to stay. I even say aloud “Pain, I invite you to be here with me. I trust there is a good reason that you are showing up. I welcome you with compassion.” The thing in here that feels important for me is acknowledging that my pain, fear, anger, etc. all arose to protect me at some point in my life– which helps me to validate them and feel compassion rather than shame/guilt/judgment toward them.
I love your paintings and posts! Keep on keeping on Dear Charlotte.
Thank you so very much for that addendum! Any strategy that assists a person in being able to feel compassion for oneself instead of shame, guilt or judgement towards themselves is a highly valuable tool. Thank you for sharing something that has been useful for you Nicole! How important is saying it aloud for you do you think? xxx CMR
Yes– it feels great for me to share this “aloud.” Speaking about turning shame into compassion feels like I am saying “I do” — a vow to myself and to others. Thank you for giving me the opportunity on your wonderful blog.
Thank you! I meant aloud when you speak directly to your discomfort, pain or fear as you mentioned in your last comment, but I love hearing about your experience of speaking aloud in general and how it feels like taking vows – how beautiful! Thank you for sharing that! xxx