Artists have been painting different shaped bodies since painting began.
Painters consider bodies to be art in and of themselves.
Do you consider your body to be a piece of art?
Unlikely.
How would you treat yourself differently if you did consider your body a living, breathing, moving work of art?
Relaxation is a foundational component of any healthy sex life. It turns out it is impossible to get turned on if you are stressed out. Before our bodies can experience any sort of pleasure, the body has to shift from operating in the sympathetic mode of the nervous system to the parasympathetic mode, from stress to relaxation. Then, and only then is the body able to process pleasure into arousal.
So sometimes kicking your legs up and making sure you relax for a bit is the best thing you can do to make yourself more available for or interested in sex. And even if you don’t get to sex, you may feel far better anyway. So kick your feet up, relax and unwind. Its good for your health and a prerequisite for your sex life!
Self Care is a foundational aspect of life that is so profoundly essential but often forgotten, delayed or de-prioritized. Some people put self care practices in place proactively or in response to a major crisis in their lives, while other people are not sure what works for them or have just transitioned into a different stage of life, like new motherhood and require a revised set of what self care can look like in shorter periods of time.
I find again and again that taking a little time to care for myself in some way puts me in such a better mood, makes me so much more available for others and improves the quality of my work. When I need any sort of cleansing or refreshing, water is where I go.
Most of us shower or bathe daily and it is quite possible to take a moment to turn this routine act into a multi-sensory pleasurable experience that activates the body, calms the mind and revives or relaxes you depending on your intention.
This moment in our everyday life can be turned from a task that needs to be done, preferably quickly, to a pleasurable, reviving experience by giving our senses our full attention. The act of lighting a candle and treating yourself to a long shower in the flickering light of the flame is an example of a simple choice that turns a routine act into a ritualistic one. Listen to the soothing sound of water, inhale the scents of your choice as you tend to your body and feel the water running over your skin.
Choosing to turn showering into a valuable moment of self care is a simple act that can be added into your everyday life without even taking more time, just more of your attention. Your attention to your senses elevates the moment and you gift yourself a pleasurable experience.
Surrendering fully to another person is something people often associate with intensity, darkness, turning someone’s flesh black and blue, red, leather and ecstatic states…Surrendering to another can also be lighthearted, filled with laughter, play and joy. The act we are participating in does not necessarily determine the mood of the event. One can be in a submissive position, role or act and the experience can be tender, loving, sweet and joyful. Of course many people are turned on by exploring the darker side of our sexuality and choose to use these surrendering positions or acts to get into a particular mental, emotional or sexual state that they enjoy.
Creating a sexual experience is a creative act and there are always a huge range of erotic experiences available to us, there are as many possibilities as we can imagine available to us in any moment. That is, if we can surrender to our desires, express them honestly and clearly, negotiate and thus create them solo or with another human. That is where bravery and skill come in.
“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.
The soul that knows it not, knows no release from little things.”
“Never interrupt someone doing something you said could never be done.”
“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity…”
“Adventure is worthwhile in itself.”
– All quotes from Amelia Earhart
First of all, isn’t Aviatrix just about the sexiest occupation name ever? This queen of flying in the sky was an independent thinker, excellent writer as well as a brave pioneer who attempted feats that no woman had tried ever before.
Earhart was the first aviatrix to fly solo nonstop across the Atlantic Ocean in 1928, and the first woman to fly nonstop coast to coast across the U.S. She was the 16th woman to be issued a pilot’s license in the world. (#6017) In addition to her flying achievements she was also a best-selling author.
She had quite the liberal mindset about marriage. George P. Putnam proposed marriage six times until she finally agreed. She did not choose to be called Mrs. Putnam and kept her name. She referred to the marriage as a “partnership” with “dual control”. She wrote him a letter that she gave him on their wedding day on February 7, 1931, below. She requested a mutually agreed upon open relationship and required personal space alone as she needed it. She was willing to try marriage for a year and told him she would leave if she wasn’t happy at the end of the year.
What an excellent example in owning her own body and desires and making hard but honest requests about what she thought she needed to be happy, and in the 1930s! Incredible!
“Dear GPP
There are some things which should be writ before we are married — things we have talked over before — most of them.
You must know again my reluctance to marry, my feeling that I shatter thereby chances in work which means most to me. I feel the move just now as foolish as anything I could do. I know there may be compensations but have no heart to look ahead.
On our life together I want you to understand I shall not hold you to any midaevil code of faithfulness to me nor shall I consider myself bound to you similarly. If we can be honest I think the difficulties which arise may best be avoided should you or I become interested deeply (or in passing) in anyone else.
Please let us not interfere with the others’ work or play, nor let the world see our private joys or disagreements. In this connection I may have to keep some place where I can go to be myself, now and then, for I cannot guarantee to endure at all times the confinements of even an attractive cage.
I must exact a cruel promise and that is you will let me go in a year if we find no happiness together.
I will try to do my best in every way and give you that part of me you know and seem to want.
A.E.” [sic]
This letter is found within the book: Letters from Amelia: An Intimate Portrait of Amelia Earhart
Interestingly, while we are all busy being concerned about what we look like with the lights on, if we are skinny enough, sexy enough… we often forget that all of our bodies are potentially able to experience tremendous pleasure.
While our culture is so wedded to this myth that life is better all around for traditionally beautiful women we assume that they must have better sex or orgasms. Fortunately for all, pleasure, bless it, is seriously democratic. Every single one of us has an equal opportunity to feel profound pleasure in our bodies, no matter what trauma or abuse we might have experienced.
Whether or not we choose to access this pleasure is up to us alone, of course. We can begin this process by shifting our focus from being primarily aware of what we look like, to what we feel like. Only then does true beauty begin to have a pathway out of us. When we feel good, we look good. Which is what many larger women have figured out already and are out there shining their beauty around like the stars they are.