Pleasure can look all sorts of ways, in all sorts of configurations.
It is up to each of us to figure out what works for us individually and within whatever agreements we have with others.
Each of us establishes our own moral and practical boundaries.
Do you really know what gives you pleasure?
Is it worth being in a constant exploration to see if your pleasure can keep expanding, within the boundaries you have agreed to, that is?
Sheila Kelley is a leader in this next era of feminism that involves finding a way for women to claim our own sexuality. She is putting forth a vision and practice for women to fully embody their own body, sexiness and power through movement. She created a fitness practice, S Factor, that began the striptease and pole dancing craze in this nation. They use the pole as a tool to inspire gorgeous feminine movement.
She is committed to women activating their “erotic creature” within. When women find this part of themselves their lives change. They become happier, healthier, sexier. They become better partners and parents. Both Sheila and I firmly believe that connecting with ourselves and our sexuality is fuel for life.
At the center of her work is the appreciation of the curves of women, and encouraging women to move in curves and S shapes. She believes that these are natural feminine movements that connect us to our female body fully. Sheila Kelley is doing beautiful work to create spaces where women remember that their bodies are beautiful, sexy and their own. She has created supportive spaces where women can go to undo centuries of shame by dancing amongst other women and feel into the gorgeousness of their own bodies. The practices just happen to involve a pole, womanly camaraderie and a lot of fun.
She is the real deal, doing excellent work for women, our bodies and our sexual freedom through leading women to embody our own flesh with more joy and awareness. She gave a great Tedx talk where she talks more about all this and more.
May we all get in touch with our inner erotic creature and enjoy waking up to our full potential.
I am not particularly into cats, though I know many are.
I painted this image to juxtapose the female genitals and a cat to make a point about the term pussy that we use so frequently in our culture.
Why oh why has an incredible part of the female body been associated with a cat for hundreds of years?
It appears to be slang for the female genitals not only in english, but also in french, german and spanish, which is just fascinating.
Some say it is because this part of a woman’s body is “soft, warm and furry” and that the feline has long been associated with women, but I can’t think that is a complete answer.
I honestly do not understand the origin and continued use of this slang term.
If anyone has any ideas to answer this, I would be most grateful to hear your theories!
Either way, I don’t find the term adequate for such a divine place on the female body, do you?
We all know there are extremely large women who feel like curvy sex goddesses and tiny slim women who hate their bodies.
At some point we choose how we feel about our bodies and thus how we carry ourselves in the world.
Every sexy woman at some point has made a choice to let herself feel sexy, gorgeous and delicious and to share herself with the world through her presence.
Maybe she doesn’t feel gorgeously delicious all the time, but when she chooses to, she can go out into the world feeling fabulous about herself.
What would happen if we chose to carry ourselves as if we are incredibly attractive and gorgeous? Who says we can’t?
Choosing to believe in our own sexiness does nothing but improve our lives and those around us.
Big women who choose to honor and stand in their own attractiveness are incredibly inspiring to me. No one gave them permission to feel attractive, in fact our culture is focused on telling them they are clearly not attractive. But at some point some of these women just decided the strong, money-making cultural messages were wrong and they determined for themselves their own attractiveness and worth. And we are all better off because of it.
Some women are making the choice for themselves that they are attractive in their own body, whatever their size.
What are you waiting for?
Loving our bodies just the way they are is a foundational piece of living in a body healthfully, happily and with the ability to access the most possible pleasure.
There is evidence that looking good has little impact on your sex life.
Feeling good, however, has an enormous impact on your sex life.
Thus, acceptance of what our body is like right now is essential to our ultimate happiness and sensual fulfillment, regardless of what our body actually looks like.
What would you have to give up in order to actually feel happy with your body just as it is, right now?
Knowing, of course, that the body is entirely malleable and can be created differently from how it is now if you wish, but that is for another day…
Pregnancy. What can I say? It may feel all sorts of ways for some woman to be pregnant.
Pregnant women have to deal with discomfort, nausea, pain, anxiety and worse.
But from the outside it just looks absolutely gorgeous!
All those curves make pregnant women a version of female power to behold.
Could a miraculous vessel of life be any more beautiful?
I think not.
January 13, 2013
Movement is essential to feeling joy in our bodies.
Moving and specifically dancing opens our bodies to feel sensation.
This is one of the best ways we can open the channels to pleasure within our bodies.
Dancing can change the way your body feels and even the way you feel about your body.
It is good for the body, spirit, mood and sexuality.
Will you experiment with dancing to one song this week and see how it makes you feel?
I’m talking to the women here.
I advocate learning to “Take your pleasure”.
I guarantee you, all your lover wants is to make you sexually satisfied and fulfilled.
Sometimes, that means your lover wants to be used for your pleasure.
You have to give yourself permission to take your pleasure, to choose this for yourself and then to unabashedly use your lover for your own pleasure.
Your lover will be thrilled and grateful for the experience.
What would it look like for you to find your pleasure and then to take your pleasure?
New Years Eve we were all ready to settle into an evening of really good steaks, caramelized onions, cooked mushrooms and a better bottle of red wine than we may drink all year. But we won tickets to see Amanda Palmer and The Grand Theft Orchestra’s Purple Reign concert, their ode to Prince. So we scampered down to NYC to bring in the new year covered in purple confetti instead.
Whatever you think about her music, this is one passionate woman. She seems to be in a constant slight squat, her legs spread apart, her arm muscles gleaming with sweat as she sings with tons of heart and ferocity. Rarely do we see women spend much time with their legs spread as they walk in the world. The way she lives and moves in her body is refreshing and strong.
Amanda Palmer is like a sexy tyrannosaurus rex in a corset. I mean that as a compliment. Strong, squatting, fierce and singing with all her might. She is passionately projecting her particular flavor of art out in the world and that is always inspiring.
Off stage she seems entirely comfortable with her own nudity, having fans write all over her body, taking photos of herself naked and appearing in her videos in various states of undress. Again, however you feel about that and whatever you might choose to do with your own body she is a woman self-determining how much of her body she shares with the world. She does this wild eyebrow painting thing where she shaves off her eyebrows and paints on a design. She is choosing to represent a particular kind of expression on and with her body.
The bonus of the concert was her husband Neil Gaiman giving us all a wish for the new year.
“It’s a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world.
So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we’re faking them.
And whatever happens to us, whatever we make, whatever we learn, let us take joy in it. We can find joy in the world if it’s joy we’re looking for, we can take joy in the act of creation.
So that is my wish for you, and for me. Bravery and joy.”
January 10, 2013
Erotic embodiment is made up of a series of practices, habits and ways of thinking about our body, ourselves and our relationships.
Our cultural ideas influence how we feel permission to use our body.
The story we tell ourselves about our own body has a huge impact on how we actually live in the body we have been given, separate from the physical reality of our bodies.
What choices are you making about the body you live in. Are they helpful or harmful?
What would you have to shift to have your relationship to your own body be more loving, friendly, compassionate and even empowering?
What difference would that make to your erotic embodiment?